


the first time (you ever saw me cry)

by lovecamedown



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Cuddling, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Podfic Welcome, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 06:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5817928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovecamedown/pseuds/lovecamedown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s okay,” he assures her gently, “you don’t need to be sorry.… Do you…want to talk about it?” He adds, his tone slightly hesitant.<br/>“I…I don’t know. Yes.… No.… M-Maybe?” </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>The first time Finn sees Rey cry, and vice-versa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the first time (you ever saw me cry)

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on a lovely Tumblr prompt that inspired me too much to just write a short drabble for Tumblr! :') I hope you enjoy! (I know some of this is canonically incorrect re. Finn's past, but I haven't read Before The Awakening, and I guess this is just headcanon :'))  
> Prompt: the first time that either Finn or Rey sees the other one crying? Like they hear the other crying in a closet or someplace where they thought they wouldn't be heard and so the two stay up all night talking about what's hurting them. Both of them probably have a lot of pain and bad experiences to share and bond over.

It’s late. He shouldn’t be awake. He should be in bed, getting decent rest for the long day he has tomorrow.

But instead he’s wandering around aimlessly, feeling ridiculous for not being asleep like a _normal person_ ; but he just can’t sleep. He’s been having trouble drifting off every night for a while now; for some reason, a lot of the things he’s seen and been through, mainly back when he was training with the First Order, are popping up in his head. Haunting him; not leaving him alone. And it’s almost always at night when he needs his mind to be at rest the most.

As he walks around a corner, he starts to hear a faint noise. It sounds like it's coming from a human; maybe someone sniffing, he thinks to himself.

Frowning, he follows the tiny noise, and it gets louder as he approaches the storage cupboard at the end of the hallway. His brow furrows in confusion.

He tries to peek through the window in the door, but the blind is closed over. The sound coming from inside is definitely the sound of someone crying and, being Finn, he wants to try and help whoever it is.

As he turns the handle, he opens the door just a little and peeks his head around to see who’s there.

“Hello?” He whispers, trying to get the person’s attention. No reply can be heard. The light is on in the closet and, as he enters fully and shuts the door behind him, he is shocked to see someone all too familiar. Sitting against a stack of shelves, her knees up at her chest, hands coming up to her face to wipe away tears.

Rey.

He was _not_ expecting to see Rey here. And he wasn’t expecting his heart to drop so low and painfully at the sight of this; seeing her forehead wrinkled and her eyes not looking at him as they continue to water.

“Rey?” He asks, shocked and concerned, taking a step towards her. “Are you okay?”

“Finn, I’m fine,” she manages to say, but her voice is croaky and thick with tears. She drags a hand along each eye. “Just…go back to bed. I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not,” he moves closer. She’s pale, with dark circles under her eyes. He’s never seen her cry before, at least not like she is now, looking so broken and alone and _fragile_.

“Rey,” he says again, softly. Hesitantly, he sits down beside her and crosses his legs in front of him, leaning back against the shelving unit. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

Rey is silent for a moment. She’s not looking at him. But then she seems to give in to the tears, and she no longer tries to suppress it; instead, she lets out a tiny, broken sobbing noise. Her head falls in to her hands, shoulders shaking, and she sniffs every few seconds.

Finn’s forehead wrinkles. He can’t stand this. Seeing her so broken. He doesn’t really know how to stop it; how to make her feel better or smile again. So instead of saying anything, he just settles for gently putting his hand on her back, rubbing it up and down for a moment. And soon that turns in to his arm wrapping all the way around her, and his other arm does the same around her front, and he gently pulls her in to him.

Rey lets herself fall in to him, but she doesn’t take her hands off her face.

“Shh,” Finn tries to soothe, feeling completely helpless. “Shh, Rey. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

Rey shuffles closer to him and releases another quiet sobbing noise. Her hair is still up in its usual style, Finn notices, but pieces are falling out in all kinds of places, clinging to her neck and her face. She feels cold in his arms, so he holds her a little tighter, letting his chin rest on top of her head.

“I…I see it,” Rey manages to choke out. “I see so many things, Finn. I keep—I keep getting f—flashbacks,” she’s gasping. Barely getting her words out.

“Shhh,” he brushes some hair out of her face before holding her again. “It’s okay, Rey. Breathe. I’m not going anywhere. Take your time.”

Many minutes pass. Rey sobs for another while longer, and then gradually, slowly, her breathing begins to slow back to normal, and the sob noises become less frequent.

Finn is still holding her when she brings her hands up to wipe her eyes. “Sorry,” she says, her voice almost just a whisper, “I wasn’t expecting anyone to find me.”

“It’s okay,” he assures her gently, “you don’t need to be sorry.… Do you…want to talk about it?” He adds, his tone slightly hesitant.

“I…I don’t know. Yes.… No.… M-Maybe?”

Finn pulls away from her a little so he can see her face, and she slowly lifts her head to look at him. Her eyes are red and bloodshot, and her cheeks and nose are red, too. He brings his hand up to wipe away some of the tears.

“Shall we go back to your room? It might be comfier than a supply closet floor.”

Rey lets out a wet giggle. “Okay.”

Finn stands up first, and then offers her a hand, which she gladly takes.

They don’t meet anyone on their way back to Rey’s room, and they’re both pretty thankful for that. When they get there, Rey sits down on her bed, and Finn crouches down in front of her.

“Can I get you anything?” he asks, absently reaching up to brush some hair out of her face.

She shakes her head solemnly. Her hand finds his. “I don’t think so,” she says. “Can you…can you stay with me for a while?”

A small smile tugs on Finn’s lips. He gives her hand a squeeze. “Of course I can.”

 

They end up sitting on her bed, their heads against the headboard. Rey’s legs are crossed like a pretzel in front of her, and the sheets are covering her up to her hips.

She tells him. She tells him what she was crying so badly about; she tells him about the flashbacks, and about what she’s seen. About the pain, the suffering, the _memories_ ; the memories she had tried so hard to suppress but are now making an appearance again, and specifically at night.

Finn just holds her hand as she tells him, watching her. Wiping away the tears when they fall, and nodding understandingly when he needs her to.

“How long has this been going on for?” Finn asks gently, frowning.

Rey shrugs sadly. “A while.”

“And you’ve been…going off to cry like that…by yourself…all that time?”

Looking away, Rey nods. “Yeah.”

“Rey…,” he whispers. “You don’t have to be alone in going through this. You don’t have to fight this on your own.”

More tears fall on to her cheeks. She doesn’t say anything, but her bottom lip begins to tremble.

“Next time this happens, promise me – _promise me_ – you’ll come to me. Or anyone. You don’t have to be alone, Rey. Come to see me, whatever time of day or night it is, and I’ll be here for you. I promise. You can cry as much as you need to, or you can just be silent. Just…so long as you’re not alone.”

Rey is crying again, but it’s silent, and it’s different to before. Wordlessly, Finn reaches up and brushes the tears away with his thumb.

“You have no idea how much that means to me,” Rey says finally. She’s whispering.

“Well, I mean it. Every part of it.”

“I know you do. And that’s what means so much.”

Finn smiles softly and squeezes her hand, shuffling closer. “Promise me you’ll do that?”

Rey nods. She looks up at him and meets his eyes. “I promise.”

“Good.”

“Will you stay with me tonight? I…I don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course.”

Finn sleeps on the floor of her room, that night, because honestly the thought of sharing a bed with her sent him in to a huge nervous wreck of a man and Rey didn’t need to deal with that on top of everything else. _Maybe one day_ , he thinks. _One day when she’s not really fragile and I’m not so much of a bumbling idiot around her._

 

\---

 

A few nights pass, and Rey’s flashbacks return. She’s sitting up on the edge of her bed, hands beside her to prop her up, and she’s trembling. Her eyes are wide, palms and forehead sweating.

Her first thought is to retreat to her usual place to cry, because the flashbacks only really appear when she is lying in bed, but then she remembers Finn’s words and the promise she had made to him.

Still trembling, Rey slowly stands up and pads towards the door, her bare feet making a tiny noise against the floor.

Finn’s room is just down the hall from hers. She knocks tentatively, but there’s no reply. She tries again. Nothing.

Frowning, she debates just turning around and going to the storage cupboard, but she really, _really_ doesn’t want to be alone right now.

She’s not crying yet, thank goodness, but she has a feeling that if she stays alone, she will start to.

Tentatively, she turns the door handle and pushes the door open. Finn isn’t in his bed.

“Finn?” She questions, walking towards him after closing the door. Her brow is deeply furrowed

Finn is sitting at the foot of his bed, his knees bent, hands resting on top of them and face in his palms, his shoulders shaking. When he hears her, his head snaps up to look at her.

His cheeks are soaked with tears, and his eyes are bloodshot, as if he’s been crying for a while. Urgent, and clearly embarrassed, Finn rubs the tears off his cheeks and looks away from Rey.

 

She’s never seen Finn cry before.

 

“Hey, what’s wrong? Finn?”

“Hey,” he says, trying to sound normal. His head is turned in the complete opposite direction to her, tilted up to the sky as he tries to blink away tears. (He’s failing miserably). “You alright?”

Rey frowns, walking towards him. “Don’t do that,” she settles beside his still-shaking form, crossing her legs in front of her.

“Don’t do what?”

“Pretend you’re okay. You’ve been crying, Finn. Anyone can see that….” she reaches out and gently uses her hand to turn his face towards her again. Then she wipes away the tears, oh so softly, and looks him in the eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“It’s obviously not nothing,” she says, “come on. This is me you’re talking to. Don’t make me use the Force. What is it?”

Finn smiles bittersweetly and looks down, shrugging. Rey’s hand is still on his face. “No, I’m fine, Rey. Really. Are _you_ okay? Why did you come through?”

Rey doesn’t reply. She raises her eyebrows pointedly and brings her hand away from his face.

Finn stares at her, hoping she’ll give in, but she doesn’t. Of _course_ she doesn’t. It’s Rey; she never gives in. Ever. Especially where Finn is concerned.

He sighs. “Okay, okay,” he backs down, letting her win. She seems to smile a little, triumphant. “I’m not okay. Okay? I’m…I’m not okay.”

Rey frowns. She brings her hand back up to his face and turns his gaze back to her once more. “What is it, Finn? What’s the matter? I’m here for you. Just like you’re here for me.”

Finn isn’t looking at her, but he smiles a little, and brings his hand up to hold her wrist, smoothing his thumb over the heel of her palm.

“I just…it’s nothing, really. I’m just…remembering some stuff. Some stuff I’ve seen. You know.… Bad stuff. And the memories just won’t leave me alone. It’s…it’s exhausting, and really frustrating, because I just want to leave these things behind now, you know? I don’t want to have to remember them all the time. Sleep is meant to be when you escape from the world and get time to rest. But at the moment it’s just been…well, the opposite.”

Rey nods gently in understanding. She shuffles closer and strokes the skin of his cheekbone with her thumb. “I know how you’re feeling,” she says softly. “And it’s awful. You shouldn’t have to be going through this.”

He shrugs one shoulder. “I don’t know. Maybe I deserve it.”

Rey’s brow furrows instantly, “what? Why? Why on earth would you say that?”

“Because,” he shrugs again, “because of the things I did as a trooper. I…I can’t believe some of the things I ended up doing, Rey. They were awful. Awful, awful things.”

“But that’s not _you_ ,” Rey says, and her face is so serious that Finn can’t bear to look at her. “That’s what you were trained to do, Finn; you didn’t know any better.”

“I should have known better.”

“ _No_ ,” moving her hand from his face, Rey takes his hand in hers and squeezes it tight, as if to emphasise her point. “No, Finn. You _couldn’t_ have known better. But look at you now; you broke free. Against all the odds, you’re here, fighting _with_ _the_ _Resistance._ The complete opposite of all you were ever told to do.”

“Yeah, but—”

“No buts, Finn! No buts. Now let me finish my big speech,” she adds playfully and Finn seems to chuckle a little, causing a smile to twitch against the corners of her lips. She continues, “Now I don’t know about everyone else, but for me, the fact that you were brought up around all of this bad stuff, and you _still_ broke away and _changed your life_ …it doesn’t just display bravery. It’s courage. And it’s _clever_ ; and it just shows who you are. Who I _know_ you are.… You are not a storm trooper. You’re not the number they gave you, or the things they made you do…,” Rey feels tears pricking the backs of her eyes and _wow_ she had not intended to get so emotional over this; but she needs to tell him. She needs to show him that she means what she’s saying. “…You’re Finn. You’re _you_. You’re a human with the best heart I’ve ever known. Finn. You’re so kind, and so loyal, and I…,” she stops herself and swallows, closing her eyes for a moment. “…I’m just…really, really proud of you.” Okay, so that’s not _exactly_ what she wanted to say, but it’s close enough.

Finn’s eyes come up to meet hers again, and he looks slightly stunned when he sees that tears are on her cheeks now, too. With his spare hand, he reaches out and wipes them away.

“Don’t cry,” he whispers, his forehead wrinkling.

“Finn,” she says, and then she moves her head forward to rest her forehead against his. “I’m crying because I mean everything I just said.”

Finn sniffs. He lets his hand that had been on her cheek fall down to the back of her neck, fingers tangled in her hair slightly. “You’re…you’re just…,” he doesn’t finish his sentence. He doesn’t know how; he doesn’t even have the words to describe what Rey is. To describe all that she means to him.

Finn’s eyes are closed, and Rey lets out a tiny smile. She doesn’t need him to continue, and she thinks that there’s only one way to let him know that she feels the same without having to use words.

As her smile fades to a more serious look, her brow furrows, and she closes the small space between them by gently pressing her lips to his. He doesn’t seem too shocked, which surprises her; instead, he seems to just melt in to it, and he gently pushes further in to her.

When they pull apart, they don’t do it for long, because they’re still so close and their eyes are still closed and they really might as well kiss each other again.

Their lips are open in an instant, and Finn is moving around in his position to make it more comfortable, and both of his hands are on her face now. They’re kissing slowly but passionately, like neither of them want to pull away _ever_ , and like it’s all they’ve wanted to do for a really long time.

Rey is still crying – and she thinks Finn might be, too – but it’s not tears of sadness. It’s merely tears of raw emotion; the need for each other in that moment and in every other moment they’ve ever had together.

Still kissing her, Finn wipes away the tears with his thumbs, and she does the same to him.

“Rey,” he says between kisses as they change the positions of their heads. “I…I really…” but he can’t finish his sentence because she’s _still kissing him_ and he really doesn’t want her to stop.

So he waits until hours later when they’ve finally stopped kissing, and they’re trying to get some sleep; hoping that, by sharing a bed, the nightmares that plague their nights might cease to exist. Or, at least, be fewer and less frequent.

Finn is holding Rey from behind, his arm around her waist and face pressed in to her hair, and Rey’s hand is sitting on top of his with their fingers entwined.

That’s when he finally tells her; when he knows she’s still awake but there’s no chance of stopping any kissing or potential kissing.

“Rey?” He whispers in to the silence of the room.

“Mm?” she murmurs.

“I love you.” And somehow, there’s barely any hesitance there; he’s telling her as if it’s the easiest thing in the world, as if it’s so natural and he’s said it a million times before.

Maybe it’s because deep down he’s always known she feels the same, and that much is confirmed when she smiles, squeezes his hand and says, “I know.” And then she lifts their hands to her lips and kisses the back of his hand. “I love you too, Finn.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! Please do leave kudos if you enjoyed it and let me know what you think in the comments :)


End file.
